CONTROL ANGER – Before It Controls You

Many a time’s (approximately 60% of times) students come to me saying that they have a problem in managing their anger that they are unable to control their anger, or they respond in a very aggressive manner. Similarly their teachers or parents report the same that their students or their kids do not know how to manage their anger. So on public demand this article is devoted on managing one’s anger i.e. on anger management. It covers topic like what is anger, is anger normal, anger as an emotion, what anger does to the body, causes of anger, approaches of anger, why are some people angrier than others, importance of anger management, and in last strategies to control anger.

WHAT IS ANGER

Anger is a basic human emotion that is experienced by all; whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Typically triggered by an emotional hurt it is usually experienced as an unpleasant feeling that occurs when we think we are injured, mistreated, opposed on our long held views, or when we are faced with obstacles that keep us from attaining personnel goals.

Is Anger NORMAL?

Anger is a completely normal; it is usually a healthy human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, and leads to problems - problems at work, in one’s personal relationships, and in the overall quality of one’s life it is definitely not normal. And also when it makes one feel as though he/she at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion than in any way it is not normal.

Anger as an emotion

• It makes one feel as if one is at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

• Anger varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.

• Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes.

What anger does to the body

What Are The Causes of Anger?

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events.

1. External: One could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or an event (a traffic jam, a cancelled flight).

2. Internal: Your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger anger.

Main Approaches of Anger?

• Expressing

• Suppressing

• Calming.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for one’s survival. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive way and not in aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, one has to learn how to make clear what his/her needs are, and how to meet them, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Suppressing Anger

Anger can be suppressed. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inwards on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Calming Anger

Finally, one can calm down inside. This does not mean just controlling ones outward behaviour, but also controlling ones internal responses, i.e. taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Why Are Some People Angrier Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for e.g., being corrected for a minor mistake.

One cause may be genetic or physiological: The evidence in favour for this is that some children are born irritable, touchy, and are easily angered. Another may be socio-cultural. Research has also found that family background plays a typical role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

What Is Importance of Anger Management?

Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies to Control Anger

1. Relaxation: Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings.

2. Cognitive Restructuring: This means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get much exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

3. Problem Solving: Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. The best attitude to bring to such a situation is on finding the solution.

4. Better Communication: Angry people tend to jump and act on conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

5. Using Humor: "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. There are however two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

6. Changing Your Environment: Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that gives us cause for much irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Changing your environment can definitely help.

A Final Thought

Remember, you can't eliminate anger all together. You can't change every situation; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can however help you in making your life smoother and even happier in the long run.

Thank you everyone for viewing this blog, liking it, sharing it, sending your comments and subscribing to the blog and letting it fulfill the purpose for which it was made i.e. to make more peaceful and healthy persons.

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